End of the road

I was just working on my lappie on this saturday noon when Boyz II Men's End of The Road came out on Lite FM.

Suddenly I was brought back to 1992 when this song was still a craze (it came out in 1991). I was in a tour bus with other exchange programme students somewhere in KL in between our engagements when the boy I had a crush on took the guide's microphone and started singing this song. Boy I was (quietly) elated! We shared a few special moments after that but we were only 16 then and we had the whole world still to explore. But apparently after the programme, whenever he met girls from my school, he will ask about me and send salam. So every now and then, I will get random salam from some seniors and juniors.

After school, I went to the UK and he went to the US and both had our hearts captured and broken several times in between but with the advancement of technologies, we managed to reconnect and kept in touch until maybe a couple of years ago when he suddenly gone off social media. I wonder why.

1992 was 27 years ago!

Faded pictures

I am feeling melancholic tonight for no obvious reason, the cold and gloomy weather perhaps. And this is where I usually end up when that feeling creeps up. It's been awhile huh?

Anyway, I had a weird dream a few days ago. A dream that was so vivid that I woke up in cold sweats. A dream that came out of the blue, with no relation with real life whatsoever. But I was bugged by that dream for many days, even until today. Why, I wonder.

High

Heard this song on the radio. Brought back some good old memories on this otherwise gloomy wednesday.

 

 In desperate need of a motivational boost. January-April kinda took all my energy away. Ergh.

Lepak

Although there are countless hipster cafes mushrooming around the city these days, Coffee Bean has always remain as my choice of place to lepak for brunch or coffee. Mostly because I have my favourite corner here in CB D'Pulze, very cozy and away from the crowd, where I can do people-watching without people noticing. Secondly because CB carries my favourites, a selection of salmon sandwiches and in December every year, the christmas log.

Sitting here alone now (big boss took the kids to play pool upstairs) gave me abit of time for personal reflection and something sudden crossed my mind. I hope and pray that I will have my memory fully intact till the day I die because be it good or bad, most of my best life experiences are those still strongly encrypted in my brain. No cameras can ever capture them as beautifully or as detailed as my brain could. All I have to do is juust select and play and they will all be replayed clearly in my mind. Wonderful.

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Love this song.

Melankolia

Tiba-tiba teringat lagu ni, heh. How are you, I wonder?

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I kinda ruffled a few feathers yesterday out of frustrations. Maybe I have been too nice that some people didn't get the chance to get to know the real me. Well, they sure do now!

Harus Terpisah

Dark

At this moment of time, I truly and desperately wish that I am already here:

Whatever decisions that I have made or going to make in these few weeks or months, I'm pretty certain that going back to Komodo islands on that boat of Pak Condo's will not be one that I would regret.

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A tribute

 This song was dedicated to American soldiers during Gulf War but it gave a totally different meaning to me. It symbolises true friendships beyond age, race or gender and I am glad those special people were in my life at some point or another. Thank you, you know who you are.

Blues

A relatively new number from Anuar Zain. Appropriate for a gloomy day like today, I'd say.

Hilang - cukup tinggi

I am 36 years old and I always spell in full whenever I text or email for I loathe the sms language used widely by youngsters these days.  Boleh buat sakit otak ok. A case in point, a bbm that said 'k t sye tang' received just a few nights ago gave me an instant bout of nausea.

Why am I making the above statement? Because I have just read Dayang Noor's second novel, Hilang (thank you kak for posting it out to me) and it didn't give me a single hint of headache nor nausea. In fact,  I got glued to it for 4 hours or so and read it from cover to cover just in one sitting. It was a pretty good book with unexpected twists here and there. The story plot developed in unexpected manner from one chapter to another that my imagination and opinion on one of the main characters, Khairani, kept changing over the pages and only firmly established at the last page of the book. There were also moments when I chuckled while reading it, especially when I saw 'Harsa' and 'Intan's Oven'. I can sooo imagine them for they were based on real people that some of us might know.

Anyway, over hundreds of books that I have bought over the last 10 years, Hilang is only my 3rd malay book. The first one was Lantai T Pinkie (ada autograph Pak Samad Said!) and the second was Jerat, kak Dayang's first ever novel (it was a good one too). Truth to be told, I stopped buying and reading malay books back in the late 90s when Khadijah Hashim stopped writing novels. Other books by the then 'aspirational' writers, mainly focused on love stories but with repetitive and expected boring story plots. Even the owner of one bookshop that I used to frequent in Ampang Park said to me one day.. 'Sama saja la dik!'.  The language used too were too berbunga and jiwa karat that I couldn't stop laughing while reading (hilang feel ok), hence another reason why I stopped.

Back to Hilang, it is one of the 2 Fixi books banned by Popular Bookstore Malaysia with the excuse that the book contains words or languages that aren't suitable for the general public particularly teenagers. Seriously??? If based on the same ground, I can honestly say that ALL the english novels I have bought from this exact bookstore over the years should be banned as well since they all contained far worse language with either direct or sexual innuendos. The irony is, 50 shades of gray which is clearly classified as an erotic novel is. apparently, being sold by the bookstore. So, why the double standard?

The funny thing is, the founder of PTS Media Group (who is, ironically, also a STF alumnus like kak Dayang) came out with this statement indirectly supporting the action by Popular Bookstore, labelling Fixi books as using Bahasa Melayu Rendah (BMR). Honestly, for a publisher who came out with a supposedly educational book entitled 'Studi Secara Smart' (hancur bahasa!), it is to me like the pot calling the kettle black. Heh. 

If I, a 36-year old (fairly) educated woman, can actually enjoy reading Hilang, a book that to me, uses acceptable language and grammar of today's standard to engage our general population to start reading malay books again, why not Popular or PTS? Why the holier-than-thou attitude? Apart from students sitting for malay literature papers and language professors, tell me honestly, who else are using Bahasa Melayu Tinggi (BMT) in today's world? Would you prefer people shy away from malay books altogether?
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Anyway, love this song. It's been awhile since KRU came out with a beautiful number like this one.

Found a boy who loves me more

I stopped following the latest music hits when my car radio set went bonkers quite a far while back. Besides, I was too busy with daily routines and deep down, I pretty much realised that current music scene is getting a bit too 'young' for me. I have a huge collection of MP3s of the old hits to keep me company anyway.

But a few months ago, out of curiosity, I looked up for Adele on the net when I kept seeing her name being mentioned again and again in my friends' tweets. And I am glad I did. I don't know how old she is but boy, her raw voice is simply amazing!

Suatu waktu dulu

I'm struggling real hard at work now trying to concentrate on those exam papers. My brain is telling me to finish marking before the busy weekend starts but my heart is telling me the total opposite: Nobody does real work on a friday afternoon specially that it's a christmas eve buddy!

Hence I switched on my media player and came across these songs, by the talented Vonda Shepard:







Listening to these songs again brought back the memories of those cold autumn nights in Shepperson Road years ago. Thinking about it now, these songs were not the best choice of songs for one already rock-bottom broken soul.. What was I thinking eh? How silly I was to even think my life has ended then when just years later, I experienced much more exciting adventures and more importantly, found truer love and sincerity.

Anyway, Vonda Shepard remains one of my favourites till now and how I wish I didn't lose the original CD. Nasib baik ada free downloads sekarang kan?

Sunday Slumber

It's Merdeka day tomorrow and I'm in a nostalgic mood.

I've been in this mood since yesterday, when I suddenly googled the lyrics of Gurindam Jiwa while still in bed and started to sing the song repeatedly, much to the annoyance of my other-half aka Big Boss. Yesterday was the first Sunday in months that we get to have a lie-in without having to rush elsewhere but I just couldn't sleep past 10am and couldn't watch another soul enjoying the sleep luxury either, hence the out-of-tune annoying singing. Ngeh ngeh.

Tuai padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intailah kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun sehelai dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih bertalak tidak
Seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

This song was sang by Nordin Ahmad and Latifah Omar in the movie of the same title way back in 1966. Nordin Ahmad was one of my favourites when I was young just because he was sooooo handsome!

Anyway, this song was special to me because I had to sing it solo in front of a crowd during an exchange student program way back in 1992 (and I think my singing suck too back then!). I was sent to spend some weeks in Sri Aman and later Kuching with a bunch of friends from all over the country as part of the exchange program at the time and towards the end of it, we were asked to do an impromptu cultural performance at one of the events, to represent our states of origin. As you and I must know, Johor is famous for its kuda kepang and ghazal but where the heck can I find any of those in Sarawak?

A friend (bless him!) came to the rescue and suggested me to sing this song because he was sure that this song came from Sri Mersing the movie (also by Nordin Ahmad).. Mersing is in Johor so we thought the song was apt to represent the state culture (we were only 16 back then ok!). He even helped me to find the lyrics of the song (mana ada google in 1992 kan)and after some rushed practice, off I went singing it confidently on a stage! Only later on that night (after the show) that some adults actually pointed out to me that that song was not from Sri Mersing. Hahahahaha.. Oh, well...

As for the friend, he was from Melaka so he performed the portugese dance to the tune of Jinggling Nyonya. Not bad I must say.

Anyway, back to Merdeka now.. Just to make things clear, if ever those BENDERA morons from Indonesia come over to create chaos here and volunteers are needed to help the police and army to protect the country, I will no doubt be at the front lines. Although I am a 'british' in Big Boss' eyes (for my forever complains of Malays' and Malaysians' mentality at work, on the road etc), I am still 100% Malaysian at heart and make no mistake, will protect my country (my religion and race too for that matter) at all cost.

So BENDERA, you've been warned.

Selamat Hari Merdeka fellow citizens!

This is for you

One of my all-time favourites.

I'd Rather (Luther Vandross)

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine...

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart

Tujuh Laut

Once upon a time donkey years ago, this song used to be my midnight lullaby. I was only 20 years old then, alone in the big but exciting city of London, loving the new change but struggling to adjust myself to the cold weather (well, relatively cold to me until I discovered Sheffield's winter less than a year later) and most importantly, missing the then 'love of my life' badly. It was at the beginning of winter 1996 and the whole world was at the brink of a huge economic recession (although obviously I wasn't aware of it at the time) and our sponsors decided to cut its spending and only sent very few lucky ones to the UK. I was one of the lucky ones, he wasn't.. so he had to do his 1st year degree in Malaysia instead. We thought it was a brutal decision especially that he already got an offer to go into Imperial College and especially that we were madly in love. 'How could they separate us this way?' we asked ourselves again and again.

Bear in mind that it was 1996.. there were no facebook, youtube, mms, skypes, YM etc yet. We had emails already but not many households in Malaysia had internet yet although students in the UK already had fairly easy access to it at campuses. 'Alamak' was the in-trend chatroom at the time, before the birth of mIRC. Oh, and not that many people have yet to own mobile phones too. So, the only affordable mode of communication (students were cheapskates, remember) between London and KL, between these 2 unfairly-separated lovers was by letters. We wrote and received 2-3 letters per week and each can be easily 5-10 pages, filled with either diary-like entries or song lyrics and photos, and of course romantic words. The Royal Mail and Pos Malaysia were our best friends back then and the ever-so-faithful receptionist lady at College Hall, Malet Street was my every-other-day postman, she would automatically checked my pegion-hole for me the moment she saw me through the main door, coming back from lectures. Of course, any letters from Malaysia received from her would be opened enthusiastically there and then with big grins on my face.

Those were the days.

I'll travel 'round the seven seas for you
It's written in the melody I adore you
I wrote my love a symphony
To show you there's nothing I won't do..

This song was sent to me in one of those love letters. Only the lyrics obviously since CDs weren't that big in Malaysia yet (or rather expensive), but it was written ever-so-romantically that I would hold it in my hands, near my heart for quite a number of nights after that. When I managed to get hold of the song in one of my mixed tapes, it filled my room again and again for quite some times too. I know it sounds stupid now but I was a naive 20-year old girl, madly in love and missing him badly. Can't blame me for being cheesy eh?

Those were the days when I thought love conquers all. The days when 'till death do us part' was really my believe and not just cheap words adopted from fairytale books and movies. Oh well, lesson learnt. Painfully but wisely.

Fast-forward 14 years later. I am hardly a romantic at all now. I still believe in love and 'the one' but you won't ever catch me queezing my brain to write love letters or that sorts. Sorry but I have better things to do (work, study etc) with the remaining brain cells that I have now. Of course, the occasional 'I love you' and 'I miss you' are still there but more in quick smses instead of in time-wasting lengthy prose. Pity him I know but does it mean I love him any lesser than the previous? Definitely not. I know it, he knows it... so what's the problem right?

Insya'allah we'll be walking down the isle soon and now, seven seas mean nothing more than the seas I want to dive in this year and next..

Libraries for Orphanage: the previous stop.. and next

Eversince I first got involved with the project early last year, I have been one of the loyal followers, for I too believe that one can change his/her destiny with knowledge and reading is one of the easiest ways to do just that.

This project was brilliantly initiated by none other than Dr Bubbles and was just among friends at first, with small budgets. Over time, the project expanded in terms of monetary aids and activities and has now come under the care of Islamic Relief Malaysia. The last library was set up at Rumah Amal Limpahan Kasih in Puchong on 22-23rd May 2009. This was a special and landmark event for the fund came fully from Joseph William Yee Eu Foundation, the first ever partnership with a non-muslim organisation.



More photos here.

The next stop will be at Asrama Anak Yatim dan Miskin Yayasan Hikmah in Gopeng, Perak this coming saturday. Dr Bubbles, Nizam and myself went to reccee the place sometime back in April and I fell in love with the home the first instant I set foot on its ground. Sadly, I won't be able to join the gang for the library installment this weekend since I will be in Saigon with a couple of friends for a short break. I hope things will run smoothly and if any of you want to give a hand, please do not hesitate to contact Dr Bubbles at iskandar@irm.org.my ya!


The orphanage


The kids


The space which will be converted to a library come next weekend


The family behind the lovely home

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Remember this song? I had a lot of sticks when it first came out due to the band's name. Yes, I was called 'Shai' at a certain point of my life..but it didn't stick for long because I was anything but shy! hehe..

Listening to it again does bring back alot of (happy) memories though!

I'm supposed to do work but...

I hate queue-cutters, especially on the road. I think they should just burn in hell (yes, I really hate them!) I notice that a lot of young girls do that these days.. cutting into a long queue from the side without even bother to put on the signal light. Didn't their parents teach these girls good manners?? Grrrr...

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An old friend is in Venezia right now while I am here at home trying to start writing an essay and preparing a separate oral presentation for my PTK tomorrow. How I wished we could swap places. I love Venice for its colour and of course because it is surrounded by water. I am a water person, isn't it obvious by now?


This photo was taken using my old Minolta SLR somewhere back in 2000 or 2001

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I was already fast asleep when my door was knocked. My dad wanted to show some 1000++ photos from his recent Hongkong trip to my mom but he couldn't get the DVD to run on his laptop. With eyes half-closed, I got up and sorted it out or my dad would forever be on my back with 'But it run ok in the office!' statement again and again. Phewww..

I lingered around for awhile and watched the telly while both my parents busily going through the photos. The Hongkong trip was for the 60-year anniversary celebration of the Kuok Groups (yes, when you're the richest man in the country, you can afford to fly all your management staff to another country, just for a dinner!) and since my mom (and my sister too) used to work within the groups, she knows many of the faces in the photos. My heart warmed up looking at this 50+ year old couple chatting and gossiping on the 'who's who' in the photos... Life was never exactly smooth-sailing for them but they are still strongly together. They have what my own marriage was lacking before.. sense of responsibility, loyalty and trust..

My dad is not the lovey-dovey type of man but I know he loves his family very much. Now that my mom has stopped working, I regularly spotted my dad telling her the office and family gossips after work while they're having afternoon tea or early dinner together... quite funny really. And my dad could never keep any secrets from my mom so if we (the kids) wanted to know anything.. all we have to do is just 'korek' from my mom!

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Such a sad sad song...

When the only way to go is up..

When you have days like this, it is a refreshing change to have a day like this:

I received a surprise visit from an old trainee one early morning last week. She dropped by my place to pass me a gift but it was the short note that came with the gift that made me smiled. It was simple yet meaningful, one that gave me the push to go on, especially on a mental-draining day..



But high standard? Not yet.. or not anymore maybe...

The good day was made complete when I saw some photos in my inbox later that night. Boy...I am so missing the underwater world!



See you again in 10 days' time Ms turtle!

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One of my current favourites. How ironic.

Wind of Change

Somebody commented that for a person who usually spend 10-12 hours a day at work, I hardly talked about work in this blog. So here is one..

To start with, just a minor correction. I used to spend 10-12 hours at work on a daily basis.. and sometimes, I'd go in at weekends too. But not anymore. For the past few months, I have been limiting my working time to the normal working hours and even if staying back is necessary, I would limit it to 7pm the max only. It is part of my 'letting go' process I guess..heheh.

Yesterday was my unofficial last day at the private wing. Had a small makan-makan, a few exchanges of thanks and apologies, received a lovely gift from my kind-hearted staff, photo-taking session and..that was it. I didn't even bother to come up with a speech although the staff asked for one.. formal (read: superficial) speech is just not my cup of tea. Come Monday, the private wing will welcome a new full-time pharmacist, the first ever in the history of the organisation. I will still need to go there for another month during the pass-over period but I am glad that things are finally going to change for the better. Not that I am happy to get rid of the job. Ok, may be I do, but I don't hate the job that much anymore. It has kinda 'grown' on me I think..

I used to complain bucketloads about that place before.. here and here as examples. When I took over the unit (as an extra part-time job) 1 and 1/2 years ago, I was amazed at how a private setting can have such a sub-standard practice as far as pharmacy is concerned. Bad planning, bad implementation of systems and problematic staff. Such a recipe for disaster. They just didn't have a clue. I just couldn't stand sloppy work so along the way, I just had to make some changes and on a few occasions, even kicked up a big fuss with the management to get things done. Now, the place is far from perfect yet but at least, the problematic employee has since left, a full-force reliable staff has been assembled, and some standards and systems have been introduced. There are a lot more to be done but these changes can only materialise under the care of a full-time pharmacist. Hence, the reason why I pushed for them to part with their money and employ one, a step which they have been hesitating for years. So.. A big hurrah for common sense and professionalism!

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I have been thinking hard about the future in the past few months. While researching and planning for the years to come, I couldn't help but looking back to the past and present days, particularly my (other, real) job. Yes, work is and has always been a major part of my life.. (sad isn't it? But this is the real me). Looking back, I am amazed at how much we have progressed and achieved. When I joined the hospital way back in 2003 and was given the task to re-set-up and expand the team, never that I imagined that we would have gone this far, but we did. Over the years, we have managed to overcome cynical comments and pessimism from certain quarters and worked hard to make our own mark in the industry, nationally if not internationally. Of course, we had politics and dramas here and there (this is Malaysia after all!) and the place has seen a fair share of laughters and tears over the years, but we survived and succeeded.

My team is at its strongest now, I'd say.. which brings me to the ringing questions in my head... is it time to leave for a new adventure? If yes, temporarily or permanently? Where to? When?

I guess these questions will only be answered in the next few months or so. I am not in a rush. I still have a few more work-in-progress to see through. But whatever and whenever it will be... a major change is inevitable. I need to do something for myself, for once..

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Kinda appropriate for this post, isn't it? And Mr Big looked so young back then!

Intermission

Words don't come easy.. (although yes, I can talk and talk and talk....and talk at times. It is not the same you see!)

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Photos from my recent trips including the KK trip were finally uploaded last weekend here. Ya encik, saya berjaya!