10 tahun

Gambar hiasan: Pygmy seahorse at Batu Kelabit, Tulamben, Bali (July 2012)

I had troubling dreams or rather, nightmares several times in the past 2 weeks, which most of the time awoken me in cold sweats at 3-4 o'clock in the morning. The dreams were vivid, with a few faces almost repetitively appear in them although I can't really remember the story plots now. It was weird really, because these faces were from a past chapter that has been long forgotten.

Anyway, while driving home alone after attending a friend's wedding on saturday night, it suddenly dawned on me the significance of those nightmares. I just realised that one night around this month 10 years ago (I can't remember the exact date now since all 'evidence' had been destroyed long time ago) was the night when I received an email that broke my heart into pieces, one that changed my life plans and dreams 180 degrees. But true to the 'blessings in disguise' old saying, I have gained by heaps and bounds after the initial rock-bottom nosedive and the subsequent unsettling 2 years. I guess, the nightmares are just serving as reminders for me to continue counting my blessings and be grateful to the Almighty.

This blog was created in the midst of that unsettling 2 years by a late good friend to serve as an emotional outlet for me although I didn't feel comfortable of sharing anything with the world until after the final separation in Ramadhan 2004 and finally the divorce in December 2004. After all, except for very close friends and family, nobody else knew about the first incident and thought we were one happily married couple, hence the shock reactions by some at the end of it.

Although the unseen scars are now buried very deep within me, they're still there I guess, which explain the unexpected dreams or hints of sadness at unexpected times. But, after 10 years, I've decided to not even think or talk about it anymore. From now on, there will be no mention of those darks years in this blog anymore and insyaallah, it will be filled with current (happier) thoughts and experiences. Penning down diving trips is much more exciting than depressing writing right?




Thank you VTC for being there for me all these years. Farewell.