*My cluttered brain*

I'm still in the office supposedly trying to finish off some reports before the long break but at this moment of time, I just can't give my full concentration to work anymore. There're too many things on my mind and I'm not sure which one to concentrate on anymore.

I realised that nowadays I think too much. Not worrying...but just plain thinking and sometimes planning, jumping from one subject to another in a matter of minutes. A few minutes ago I thought of the things that I should bring to a picnic that I just planned yesterday. Yet, even before I finish with my mental to-bring note, I started thinking of what to buy for my mom's birthday and moments later, about organising my coming trip to KB. I also realised that nowadays, I don't really need a written to-do list anymore.. all are well-kept inside my brain and so far, I've not forgotten anything major.

What makes my brain suddenly becoming superactive? Have I accidentally ingested any legal/illegal stimulants? None, as far as I can remember..emmm... I hope not anyway. The only reasonable cause that I can think of right now is probably due to my dual-job. I've been trying to do two jobs at the same time since the new year begun so the adrenaline rush is possibly the culprit that made my brain superhype. I never knew before that I can stretch my brain's capability this much! Now.. why didn't I use my brain this much during my last-minute studying years? I would have been the best student back then! hehe..

Anyway, the only other suspect that can probably cause the change in my brain activities is my own emotional status. As much as I hate to admit it, I know that at this point of life, I'm so unsure of which path to choose. At one moment I was warming up to the prospect of having my own property here in KL and settle down yet, at another, I found myself longing for the trip back to the UK to continue with my studies. One moment I had the urge to just drop everything and go travelling around the world but moments later, I felt so strongly on staying put and building up my professional career here. What is happening to me? Am I a bipolar schizoprenic? Geee...I certainly hope not!!

But seriously,I haven't got a clue of what I want in life now. I'm totally lost. Suddenly, instead of 29, I feel like I'm 18 again.. So many choices, so many possibilities.. but which one? 3 years ago I was so sure of what I want. What should I be and where should I be.. My goals and my lifeplan were all clearly laid down back then. But all those plans sound too boring now. Eventhough I feel like a lost and hungry kitten(or puppy, whichever you prefer) now, all these uncertainties actually excite me. Scary sometimes but exciting still. I guess the vulnerable and confused state that I am in now actually make me feel alive again. Maybe being lost and confused is what I need to motivate me to venture into new territories... to discover the real me. Maybe...