Total confusion

I drove all the way to Country Homes in Rawang last saturday morning to fetch a special lad whom we've been missing dearly for so long. He used to stay with us for about half a year when the parents suddenly decided to go on 'jihad' missions in Pakistan and Syria and just left their kids at a few centres for the their family to literally pick up..one by one... and that was just before raya in 2005.

When we first got the lad, he was malnourished with a disproportionately bigger head (just like the poverty-stricken african kids you normally only see on TV, believe it or not!) and a body infested with scabies. Alas, we took care of him, shower him with lots of love and to no surprise, he loves us back like his own family to this very day. The quiet and sad-looking undernourished kid turned out to be a clever (more than average I'd say) and cheerful young lad afterall!

But the happiness was short-lived. He is now back with his own flesh and blood and his 'community'. We managed to 'borrow' him a few times since(about a week at a time) but our 'lifestyles' apparently do not suits his dad's and his community believe and practice. It's now getting harder and harder to get access to him.. we only managed to get him for 4 days over the CNY holidays..that after much persuasions.

Anyway, the last time I visited their community centre was probably about 2 decades ago.. It was at Sg Penchala at the time. 20 years on, alot have changed such as they're not in 'purdah' and 'serban' anymore.. Oh, did I not mentioned they have now moved to the posher Country Homes? Don't really know whether they own the properties or not but they surely occupy more than 20 shoplots there and now have their own health shoppe, maternity clinic, boutique and all sorts. But one thing obviously has not changed... big photos of their (now bed-ridden) leader are still everywhere. Their kids, some as young as 2, still sing the same 'As****i pemimpin akhir zaman' song and regard him as their hero, to the point of even worshipping him.

A quick search on JAKIM and JAIS websites showed that this renamed group has been banned (again)and apparently, the two bodies are now doing roadshows to inform the public on the status of the group. So, and I am SO CONFUSED on this... why are the group members still continuing their usual activities as if nothing had changed? Why are they not being taken away by JAKIM/JAIS for counseling programmes? And how did the 2 leaders who were detained late last year got released without being charged of anything? And now is the 'cepumas' question.. how on earth did they manage to file 3 defamation suits against JAKIM, JAIS and the a few ex-followers for RM150millions?

And the saddest thing is...what will happen to the malnourished, lack of formal education affected kids, including our beloved lad? Oh, did I tell you that at 3 years old, he has 3 moms (probably 4 by now), 8 other siblings (again, probably more by now)with all below 12 years old and 4 younger than him? Now you can probably imagine how much maternal and paternal attention (or the lack of it)that he gets. So, can you blame him for crying buckets everytime we need to send him back 'home'? It breaks our hearts....every single time...

Does age REALLY matter?

2 years ago, I wasn't sure if I would ever find love again.. what's more the unconditional type from the male species that I was wishing for. Then I met D.

Although he has most of the qualities that I was looking for in a man, I tried my best to push him away in the first year of our friendship cum 'relationship', believing that it will never work, for only one reason.. He is far too young for me. Well, do bear in mind that I already had one bad experience, so do excuse my pessimism.. I was just not ready for high-risk relationships.

But no matter how hard I tried, he kept coming back. I did wonder why couldn't he just walk away to save him from all the hassles especially that he has a lot of other options within his own age group.. those without past baggage, excess fat or wrinkles. OK, I may not have wrinkles yet, but I'm sure some will appear just a few years down the road!

Anyway, I am now done with pushing. I have now realised that God has actually answered my prayers sooner than I expected and I am grateful. D IS the unconditional love that I was waiting for.. He loves me for the person I really am, the good and the bad. He even loves me on my bad hair/mood day. Although we are of different characters and backgrounds, we share similar principles on life which to me, is the most important thing for a relationship to survive. Trust is never a problem between us and even with the age gap, he has gained my utmost respect.. to my own surprise.

So, does age REALLY matter? I guess not.

What really matters are honesty, sense of responsibility, trust and respect. And I am glad that I have found these..

My first ever

I've been wanting to put up a song here for the longest time.. finally got the time to do it today. Although it's not a proper videoclip, shall do for a start..

Here is one of my all-time favourites, enjoy!