2024 - so far

 Can't believe it's already October!

A few points to jot down to be kept here as my life journal (since nobody is reading it anymore except me) 

• Am in my 7th month already at the new workplace. Abit unsettled at first because of the travelling especially during Ramadhan but I got the hang of it now. Just layan spotify je while in the traffic. 
• I have gone back to the old campus a few times for various work-related reasons and even attended NPSC as part of their contingent since my current uni didn't participate.
• Had a shoulder surgery in May and I haven't regain the full range of movement yet. Lambat betul. 
• Went to Pulau Perhentian 2 weeks ago but didn't dive because of my shoulder. Managed to snorkel though and that was a good one. Siap jumpa a titan trigger fish! Below are underwater photos taken by my other half using my camera. 

Some land photos:

Arghhh, I miss the sea! Some friends are in Dungun now diving in Tenggol and they've met with whaleshark and mobula rays 2 days in a row. Jealous betul.

Am going to Seoul for a conference end of this month so hope that will be good. Looking forward to more scuba diving trips next year!

End of an era (and the beginning of a new one)

So, I turned 48 a few days ago. Instead of having the day off to celebrate, it was a busy day instead starting with a virtual viva session for a master student of Universitas Gadjah Mada, Indonesia. Was abit nervous to be the external examiner at first since the internal was the former dean (and he was a high-profile and the youngest professor back then) but all went well and I truly enjoyed the 2-hour long viva. Heh.

2023 flew so quickly that I felt breathless at times. Work was busy as ever but I got to go scuba diving in March, went to Penang twice and once with my family and managed a trip to Japan and Yogyakarta. Eventhough the oversea trips were for work, managed to squeeze in some sight-seeing too. Achieved many highs workwise and professionally but yes, by the last quarter of the year, I knew I was heading for a burn out. I finally tendered my resignation and am now serving the 3-month notice period trying to clear off everything before I leave at the beginning of Ramadhan. 

Although December started on a high note with the successful completion of our scientific conference which I chaired, the unsettling feelings became too obvious. So, when a few attempts at negotiations failed and instead of just buying my time until the take-over, I decided to step away instead. When the news spread, many were disappointed, old colleagues were surprised and some were even sad but it is what it is. I have to look after myself first and after 14 years, I am just tired. I resigned even without a new job but thank god I received 2 offers soon after. Kalau tak, mungkin masuk pulau jadi beachbum agaknya :) The irony is, I rejected Nottingham Uni for my degree back in 1996 just because I wanted to go to London for love (or so I thought) but now, 28 years later, I will be joining them (Malaysian campus) as a faculty member. Life is full of surprises eh? 

Anyway, can't believe this blog is more than 20 years old already. I created with the help of a good friend in July 2003 and he later passed away just 3 months later. I hope I can keep this blog alive as long as I can to honour his memory.

Here's to a new year and a new beginning! Wish me luck!

First quarter of 2023

Can't believe the first quarter of 2023 is already gone. Time flies! It was a busy quarter but I am glad I get to do a few things again such as diving! Managed to finally squeeze in a trip to Tenggol in mid March, and I can't believe I have never dived in Tenggol before. Beautiful diving sites! Only a few underwater photos below since my underwater photographic skills were abit rusty after 9 long years of not diving. Why did I stay away for so long eh? Oh, as fate had it, I met Ardy and Lynn there (although we didn't tell each other that we were going) and we ended up diving together for 1 of the days. Ardy was my dive buddy when I first took up scuba diving back in 2008 so it was a nice mini reunion.

                             

                               

                            

                           

Just before Tenggol, I managed to squeeze in a friendly match for our male NPSC basketball team with SatUM so it was really nice to meet the SatUM guys again after all these years. Of course, none of the first gen SatUM are playing anymore but the rest such as Y, Ed, Butet, Jai, Husen, Fendy & Hadi are still there except that they have upgraded themselves from UM court to Cobra Club. Lepak with them at Amjal too for old times' sake but no more nasi lemak bungkus!

Just before Ramadhan, we went to Penang for the 16th NPSC 2023. Although both our basketball teams only got silver and our swimming team only managed to win 3 golds, 1 silver and 2 bronzes, I am still so proud of them as I myself did not managed to give my full attention in training them this year. Work has been and is still as hectic as ever so I am just grateful with whatever that they have achieved especially that we still come 2nd for overall medal tally. Don't know if I will still be coaching again next year, feeling too old and battered already. 

Anyway, managed to see an old diving friend Deepy too last night after so many years. He is only back in KL for a few days for a funeral so I am glad we managed to catch up although only for a short while. I really miss all my basketball and diving friends! Should organise another moreh at Uptown meet up soon. 

Blast from the past

 Of all the things that I kept from the past, I can't believe I still have these. There were even mentions of economic crisis and reformasi in those letters! Thank you for the memories. 

2020 reflection.. a couple of months late!

 

So I hit 45 last month. No big differences physically say compared to 5-10 years ago except for the extra weight, grey hair and probably aching back and knees at times. But looking back, my life in the last 20-25 years was nothing but colourful. Lots of ups and downs but pretty exciting and adventurous too. Anyway, just in case the older me comes back to this post for a walk on memory lane a decade or two from now, just to remind you, we are currently in a global pandemic! Who would have thought, huh.

Anyway, that number at the top was the number of COVID-19 cases on the day I hit 45. It was the highest number of cases since the pandemic started way back in September (or was it December?) 2019 but of course, the numbers increased further a few days later. Just putting it here as a record.

A lot of people said that because of the pandemic and that everybody stayed at home for almost 3/4 of the year, 2020 came and went in a blink of an eye. But looking back, 2020 wasn't too bad for me. For a start, I got to publish 3 papers and one of it as the first author, which may not be achieved if it weren't for the working from home policy. Work was crazy though especially at the beginning of MCO 1.0 in March 2020 because apart from switching to online classes almost immediately, we had to switch from physical clinical attachment to virtual clinical cases and ward rounds too. Hours and hours were spent to prepare the virtual cases and the simulation structures so that it could mimic and achieve the same learning outcomes as the real clinical clerkships. And that was for both the undergrad and postgrad programmes! So that was crazy. 

But being in-charged of student affairs at the time, I too had new challenges to face. One, we had a number of students exposed to COVID-19 cases particularly from earlier hospital exposures and the most stigmatised cluster at the time, the Bangi wedding cluster. I almost went to the wedding anyway, if not for a bout of diarrhoea. It was in the early days where SOPs for exposed students/PUIs were abit blurry, so that was quite a stressful period. We even had a pregnant postgrad student being picked-up as a PUI by a racing ambulance - what an experience for her! Thank god she and the kids (twins by the way) were and are well.  Then with the prolonged lockdown, came flare ups of mental disorders among high-risk students. We even had cases of suicide attempts.  Even though by then I already had a couple of years of experience handling these students, with limited movement and every non-essential services closed, it was a tricky period too. I am glad all these students are getting the treatment they need and back with their parents now. Came July & August, we had a lot of changes at work and I am now in charged of academic affairs instead. Structuring, planning and conducting teaching and learning activities as a first-timer DDAA and during a global pandemic was and still is not a walk in the park. A lot of sleepless nights but InshaAllah, I am getting the hang of it now. 

On the home front, although my working hours were crazy during the MCOs, we got to spend more time together especially for daily solat jemaah which is really great. We were supposed to go to UK and Europe in 2020 as my graduation gift (hey did I tell that I finally got my PhD in 2019?) and to attend my sister's wedding but that's a bust now. Hopefully we will be able to do that in 2022. If 2022, it will be exactly 20 years since I left the UK so that will surely be great. But for now, I am longing for a day (or 10!) on a beach. Missing the islands!

Just because

Liverpool crowned EPL champions!

The last 2 years have been great for me in football-sense. We're not team #sandarkanpadakenangan anymore!

                                                       
                                                          Champions League 2019

Club World Cup  2019

And early this morning, Premier League Champions! The 30-year wait has finally ended!

But this remain the most memorable moment:

                                                                     Istanbul 2005

Ramadhan Kareem 1441

I came down at 3 am, made myself a cuppa, all determined to listen to 16 recorded presentations that I have to assess but 10 minutes later, here I am on blogger instead. Silent nights have always brought me back to this blog but I guess I haven't had many of those in the last few years, judging from the very few posts I had.

I have nothing particular in mind to write about so I guess this will be just another random ramblings to myself since this blog hardly get any visitors in the last few years. Just the way I like it actually. Facebook and Instagram have been too loud, while although my Twitter has less than 100 followers, but I already have some students and ex-students following me there, thus I still have to be careful of the things that I wrote. Nothing too personal.

I have been feeling unsettled lately. There is a pandemic going around but I am at home, just doing work and house chores. This is new territories for me. In the past, whenever there were big crises going on, I was always involved either directly as part of my work or with NGOs. Except this one. Yes, helped my stranded students getting food supplies and even tracking some of them who were PUIs and PUS before but that's about it. I have submitted my name to be a volunteer frontliner but my current teaching and learning loads have been chaining me to my desk and I am feeling, I don't know, suffocating?  Of course, it is so rewarding to see my former students now being in the thick of things as frontliners and I am so proud of them. But I wished I am there with them.

Oh, an old good friend got in touch with me just a few days ago and again yesterday. We have drifted apart for almost 10 years now. We used to hang out together almost everyday circa 2008 up to early 2010 and it drastically stopped after I got married. Now it is just limited to whatsapp messages on  special events such as birthdays or Eid. Itu pun kalau ingat. I miss him sometimes (we were good friends and neighbours and nothing more than that) but I guess we cannot have it both ways. I hope he will soon find his own happiness. He deserves it.

Now, as for EPL, can't they just give out the trophy to Liverpool already? Geez.

Ok, time to listen to a few presentations before I start reheating food for sahoor. Till next time, happy fasting!

MCO Day-21 random ramblings

It's almost 4am and I couldn't sleep a wink so I got up to have an early sahur since I'm going to fast tomorrow. Came down quietly but instead of preparing food, here I am.

A lot on my mind today although nothing of importance in particular. I guess this is what 21 days of not leaving the house at all does to your brain. Apart from some deadlines, frequent virtual meetings and basic house chores, I have not been that productive in the last couple of days. Tonnes to do with student assessments, thesis drafts to read and papers to write, but I am uninspired. And inactive brain wanders.

In the past few days, I have been thinking a lot about the future, old friends that I haven't spoken to in ages, about the old work places, the sea, the underwater creatures that I miss so much and many more. I thought about the loved ones that I've lost and those who are aging and unwell. Suddenly I feel so helpless.

Anyway, I dreamt about Royal Hallamshire Hospital 2 nights ago. In the dream, I was supposed to restart work there due to the COVID-19 pandemic and they needed extra hands. But the hospital has changed so much that I found myself lost in the wards. So many doors! Weird enough, Corrine and Hillary were in my dream too. I wonder where they are now. I am pretty sure Hillary has retired long time ago but wonder if Corrine is still at RHH. I hope they are well. Big boss and I were supposed to go to London this summer but with the pandemic going on, I guess we have to scrap the plan. Nasib baik being a last minute person as I am, tickets tak beli pun lagi :) So, I hope once the situation is clear, we can go diving instead with the old gang.

For now, tatap la this old pic first.

                                          Porcelain crab of Lembeh Strait, Indonesia (2009)

Oh, I noticed that since the MCO started, there are more birds in my neighbourhood, extra noisy too! The skies are bluer and last night, there were even 2 fireflies in my house too (although one is now dead thanks to Rizqy the cat). There's a blessing after all eh.

End of the road

I was just working on my lappie on this saturday noon when Boyz II Men's End of The Road came out on Lite FM.

Suddenly I was brought back to 1992 when this song was still a craze (it came out in 1991). I was in a tour bus with other exchange programme students somewhere in KL in between our engagements when the boy I had a crush on took the guide's microphone and started singing this song. Boy I was (quietly) elated! We shared a few special moments after that but we were only 16 then and we had the whole world still to explore. But apparently after the programme, whenever he met girls from my school, he will ask about me and send salam. So every now and then, I will get random salam from some seniors and juniors.

After school, I went to the UK and he went to the US and both had our hearts captured and broken several times in between but with the advancement of technologies, we managed to reconnect and kept in touch until maybe a couple of years ago when he suddenly gone off social media. I wonder why.

1992 was 27 years ago!

Faded pictures

I am feeling melancholic tonight for no obvious reason, the cold and gloomy weather perhaps. And this is where I usually end up when that feeling creeps up. It's been awhile huh?

Anyway, I had a weird dream a few days ago. A dream that was so vivid that I woke up in cold sweats. A dream that came out of the blue, with no relation with real life whatsoever. But I was bugged by that dream for many days, even until today. Why, I wonder.