MALU!!

I have been having on-off diarrhoea for a couple of years now and tried so many medications from modern to traditional preparation to try curing it but to no avail. So, a couple of weeks ago, I took up a courage and mentioned it to a doctor friend of mine who is now doing Gastro rotation. A good friend he is, he quickly mentioned it to one of the Gastro Specialists whom I know pretty well, and voila! a colonoscopy (where a probe is put through your colon to see the inside of your digestive system for diagnostic purposes) was arranged for me. All the arrangements were done so fast that I didn't have the time to think about it. I was too busy at the time to give it much thought anyway.

It was the night before the procedure that the reality finally hit me... Here I was in the bathroom purging for the umpteen times after taking Phospho Soda to clean up my bowel in preparation for the procedure and suddenly, the thought of 2 male doctors whom I know so well looking up my ass sent me into a mini panic attack. Why the hell did I agree to it? I did requested for a female doctor at the very beginning but the request fell onto deaf ears and I didn't even kick a fuss..Stupid me! Oh, did I tell you that I actually had a crush on one of them about a couple of years ago? Yes, I did but it lasted only for a very short time and I don't think he ever knew. Thank god!

Anyway, came the procedure day, the friend did all the necessaries himself and made it as professional as possible which helped lowering my level of embarrassment and anxiousness abit. I was also glad that he was kind enough at the last minute to get a female specialist to do the procedure and sent the rest of his male colleagues out of the room. But the embarrassment didn't stop there.. apparently they had to give me higher than normal sedatives to put me to sleep (I am a tough cookie afterall!) because I made an awful lot of funny sounds while they were trying to get the probe in(or so I was told!). After the procedure, the doctor friend came over to check on me and explained about the findings but I was told that although I was already awake and looked 'normal' I repeatedly asked him the same questions again and again and didn't make any sense at all. The worst thing is, even up until today, I still could not remember doing it nor could I remember even talking to him. In fact, I could not even remember that I actually went to change my clothes all by myself, went to get drugs and appointment dates or how I managed to get back to my office in one piece. So, 2 hours of my life missing yesterday, which I have no recollection of although I was fully awake (or so I was told)... Pretty scary eh.. I sincerely hope that I did not do and say stupid things or revealed any secrets to anybody I was in contact with within that 2 missing hours..What a disaster if I did!

Oh, to add to my horror and embarrassment, I also discovered that I called this doctor friend about 5 times and another friend about 8 times during that 2-hour amnesia period, for reasons I myself didn't even know...I really hope they didn't think that I was playing pranks on them or that I was plain stupid. I am truly sorry to both of you...I HONESTLY DO NOT REMEMBER!

Lesson of the day: If you need to do any procedures or surgeries involving sedation, do it at a hospital as far away from your house and workplace as possible so that if you have to make fool of yourself... nobody knows you!

I now need to find a box to cover my face until this embarrassment blush goes away..

A silent prayer

God,
give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Reinhold Neibuhr

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In my years of training, I had never given up on people. I never tolerated sloppiness and just pushed to bring the best out of each person. But for the first time today, I gave up.

I have failed. I am sorry. He was sorry too. But I think, it was the best option for us both; for the sake of our sanity.

I am tired. This has got to stop.

It's one HOT day

I got tagged again.. Actually, I still have a number of the old ones still not done but I don't remember what they are anymore. Since it's a new year, let's start anew shall we. Anyway, when I first saw this tag on Giggsy's blog, I thought it looked familiar and found out that it is pretty similar to this one here. But what the heck.. I'll be a sport and do it again just for the fun of it!

Fact numero 1:
How do I wind down after a hard days' work? I'd play freecell on my phone. Yup, freecell helps me to relax after a long day and 3-4 games of it(ok, more like 6-8 games since it's always difficult to stop once started)on those cluttered-brain nights will surely give me a good night sleep. My dependence on freecell started about a decade ago when I was at University. I turned to it whenever I'm stuck with assignments or when my head needs clearing and the trend continues until now. My current game statistics on the phone: No. of games won-310; No. of games lost-32. Not bad eh? The number of games played on the laptop have definitely reached thousands and the winning rate is pretty high too but am just too lazy to check.

Fact numero 2:
I love frogs.. Not toads mind you, just frogs. Not that I like to touch them but I do find some of them cute and I have many stuff which are 'frog-based' like keychains, coster, posters, soft toys and even my PC avatar. I used to get many frog-based gifts from college and work friends too but here's a stern warning, no, please do not give me any real frogs ok. And I am not going to eat frog legs either!

Fact numero 3:
I believe in the power of dreams..not all dreams but only those that have certain impacts on my life and they normally come repeatedly. I am not a fortune-teller nor a psychic (please don't start coming to me for lottery numbers!) but in recent years, I've beginning to learn differentiating dreams that should be taken seriously from those meaningless nightmares. However, I am still clueless in interpreting them since some can be straight forward (deja vu-like)whereas some others can be the opposite when occur in reality. For example, a few weeks before my ex-husband emailed and confessed his adultery acts, I had repetitive vivid dreams that he was doing just that. Although he dismissed it as rubbish when I told him, I believed something was wrong eventhough I didn't have a single clue about it (how would I know when we were in 2 different continents right). On the other hand, I dreamt meeting a friend whom I've not met for so long one night but in the actual fact, he passed away on that particular night itself. Conflicting huh..

Fact numero 4:
I love playing basketball but I don't really enjoy watching it on tv. On the other hand, I love watching football but I've never tried playing it (yet). It's funny because I can get truly absorbed watching footie on telly that I once had an argument with one ex about it. We were supposed to spend some quality time over dinner but Liverpool was playing on a big screen nearby and he got pissed off with me for giving the lads on the pitch more attention than him. My defence statement: It was Liverpool ok!

Fact numero 5:
I do not eat ayam kurma. Daging kurma is ok but ayam kurma is a big no-no. This is down to a single but very bad incident of diarrhoea and vomiting after eating it years ago in Sheffield with me ended up having to be brought to the hospital in an ambulance. Yeah, it was that bad! And it was on the first day of my pre-registration training year at the Trust too so it was pretty embarrassing!

Fact numero 6, 7 et 8:
Emmmm....can't think of anymore random facts about me so I'll stop just here.. I'm not that weird afterall eh :)

Since I have tagged other people the first time round (and some STILL haven't done them!), I won't do it again. But of course, you're more than welcomed to do so if you want (Eija: this message is especially for you..hehe..)
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I promised to be a total slob for a full 4-day from Friday right? I failed after a mere 36 hours. My fingers went numb after a few hours on the net (damn you Facebook!) and I had a sore bum after a day in front of the tv. So, I went swimming last night and turned up for basketball this morning. Good that I turned up or otherwise I would surely get a full bashing from the rest of the gang... only 11 people came today and we played under a very hot sun, I felt like my skin was on fire! Arrived home, I actually voluntarily bathed 8 of my cats so that I can be drenched in water for much longer than a shower to cool myself from the heat...panasnya!

10 guys on the court and still need a girl to organise the game...dang!

When the cat's away, the rat's out for a field day

Most of the time, I am pretty orderly and in control, be it with my physical belongings, daily routines or the state of my mind. But things have changed for the worst in the recent days with a sudden rise in workload at the office (what's new?) and bouts of flu, diarrhoea and sore throat came one after another. A confusion on the love front and an argument with a dear friend added to the clutters in this small brain of mine too.


This photo of my messy work station yesterday summed up the state of my mind just perfectly!

So, I am now hugely relieved that the long-awaited chinese new year break is finally here... I am determined to be a total slob these 4 days to wind down and nobody can stop me. I will stay in bed for as long as I like and spend the rest of the hours in front of the TV or PC. I will only consume junk food, nothing less, and will only take my shower or change clothes only when they've become absolute necessary. This is my lunar-year resolutions and nobody can stop me from achieving it!

Ok...I did spent 2 hours in the morning today answering urgent calls from the hospital.. can we put that off-the-record?
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I received this song many years ago from a guy whose heart I broke ( I was young and stupid back then ok) and it still remain as one of my favourites. He gave me the lyrics of this song (dulu mana ada MP3!) when we last met to bid our goodbyes. I sometimes wonder what had happened to him since and whether we can still recognise each other if we one day bump into each other on the streets...


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Received an sms from Ardy yesterday telling that the third book of the Farsala Trilogy is finally out in paperback... and he has bought it for me too. Yahoo!